Save Me (The Broken Souls Series Book 1) Read online

  “FUCK YOU!” DI yells at me before trying to lunge towards me. Unlucky for this fucker we’re now on a level playing field and my training is taking over.

  “You think you’re a big strong man that can have whatever the fuck you want? Well I’m about to show you how wrong you are. This sweet little thang is going to kick your ass and then I’m going to hand you over to the police on a silver platter. How is that for your fragile masculinity?”

  “Call the police! I’ll have you charged with assault,” he smugly taunts me, thinking so confidently that he has the upper hand.

  “And I’ll have you charged with sexual assault and assault with a deadly weapon,” I point to my neck where the nic is still bleeding. “Do you really wanna try this game with me tic tac dick?”

  Apparently those words were the last straw because he takes a swing at me. I easily outmaneuver him because he’s a prick with no fighting skills whatsoever. Within minutes I have him knocked the fuck out at my feet with a broken nose and at least a couple broken ribs. Maybe this fucker will think twice before coming after women who reject him again. I reach back into my car, grabbing my phone to call 911. The wear and tear of having to fight is wearing down on me so I have a seat on my driver's side while I wait for the police to arrive.

  A huge yawn takes over my face, making my eyes water. I really just want to wrap this up so I can head home and go to bed. It's going to be a long drive for me tomorrow. I’d like at least a couple hours of sleep first.

  The police show up in decent time. I give them my report as detailed yet to the point as possible. They take some pictures of my injuries, but I refuse medical attention so I get sent on my way within an hour. Dumbass incel woke up when he was being cuffed to the bed in the ambulance and his cursing me out basically gave the cops every shred of evidence they needed to lock him up. Fuckers like him never know when to shut their mouths. It’s lucky for me but very unlucky for him.

  I head home which is only a few minutes from the bar. Walking in the door feeling like a zombie, it takes no time for me to drop my shit and deadbolt the door behind me. I make myself quickly undress, cleaning and checking the severity of my wounds before falling into my huge abyss of a bed. I just need a few hours of sleep to feel better. Hopefully I can hold my demons back tonight but after all the shit that just went down, I don’t have high hopes.

  Chapter Two

  Alayna

  Rough hands are moving up my bare legs as I try to stay still. I just want it to stop but if I move or make a noise it always gets so much worse.

  The rope rubs on my wrists, holding me in place on this creaky bed that is stained with so much of my blood and tears. This bed is more me than fabric now, each night I’m dragged down here adds more and more to it. Declan was left upstairs this time at least. Small victories for one of us.

  Please, make it stop. Please, someone save me.

  These silent plea’s in my head are no use though, no one is coming. There’s only one person who ever tries to save me and he’s locked in his room to stop him from doing that very thing. Sometimes it’s both of us in this nightmare of a basement, but tonight, it’s just me.

  The hands make it up to my sleep shorts, the cold steel of a knife finally making its appearance. It slides along the fabric softly before he jerks it upwards, cutting the fabric away from me with a chuckle.

  My breath comes out choppy as I try to focus on anything but what he’s about to do. I just want this to end. I don’t want to go through this again. It needs to stop. I need to make it stop but I’m so weak.

  I. Am. Pathetic.

  Do I bring all of this on to myself? What do I do that makes men like this prey on me? Maybe I need baggier clothes to hide myself. Maybe if I cut off my hair they’ll think I’m a boy and won’t touch me.

  Even as I think this, I know it’s not true. I’ve seen the things they do to Declan. The pain they inflict on both of us and all who have come before. It makes me shudder with revulsion. There is no escape for people like us, people that the world no longer cares about. We’re a nuisance. We’re a drain on the system that people bitch about in the comfort of their perfect suburban lives. People would rather turn a blind eye to the horrors we go through than let us soil their perfect lives.

  The knife starts moving down my legs and a whimper of fear escapes me.

  No, no, no, no. I feel the belt he put around my throat tighten to stop me from making more sounds.

  I won’t survive this another time. I can’t keep going through this.

  The belt tightens again, enough to make my eyes water and cause black spots to erupt. This is the time he kills me like he always says he will.

  I love you, Dec.

  I shoot up in bed, my breathing erratic and uneven. There’s sweat pouring down my back as my chest rapidly expands and contracts, trying too hard to suck in air. I rub my neck, flinching when I feel the gauze followed by a sigh of relief when I realize it’s not a belt.

  I’m not there anymore. I’m safe.

  It was just a nightmare, one I lived through already. I’m not in that house anymore and no one will ever take advantage of me. I am not weak or pathetic and I never will be again. The problem is, my mind doesn’t understand that. The memories are ingrained in me. I still feel the phantom hands on me, the belt around my neck stealing my breath, the cold bite of the knife on my skin.

  My breathing rhythm increases as I fall headfirst into a panic attack. My mind is trapped in the past and I can’t seem to fully bring my consciousness to the present. There’s so much fear flooding my system, setting off every danger alarm I have.

  Forcing myself to focus, I take deep calming breaths and use my PTSD counselling trick to bring me back to the here and now. My mind needs to remember that we’re not in danger so I can finally breathe again.

  Five things I see: my lavender comforter, my grey walls, the sun streaming through a crack in my lavender curtains and my long brown hair falling around my face. Four things I feel: the soft silk of my sheets, the cool sweat on my back, the flow of air from my fan and my nails digging into my palms. Three things I hear: the white noise from my fan, the sound of my breathing slowing down, the cars driving on the street outside my apartment. Two things I smell: my vanilla lavender cream I put on before bed and hint of beer from when I spilled it in my hair last night. One thing I can taste: my morning breath, gross.

  By the end I am fully back in the present, my panic attack, thankfully, has subsided. Looking at the clock, I fall back onto the bed groaning when I see it’s not even eight o’clock. So much for getting some decent sleep before I head out today. I fucking knew that bullshit from a few hours ago was going to bring up these memories I’ve long since buried like a cheating boyfriend you never want found again.

  Pulling myself out of bed with a sigh, I head to the bathroom and turn on the shower. May as well get this day started because there is no way in hell I want to chance that nightmare making a reappearance. Some shit is better left buried until I’m better equipped to deal with it. That time will come soon, I can feel it. I’ll deal with it when I have him by my side.

  Declan, my first love.

  This trip I’m going on is all about digging up the past. Finding Declan. Healing both of us from our dark past. I just need all of this to stay in that box in my head until I find him. Declan is the only one who will understand, the only person I trust to show my vulnerability to. He saved me once now I want the chance to heal both of us.

  Vulnerability gets you hurt. If you ask anyone in my life right now who I am, vulnerable would not even graze their lips. To the outside world I’m rough, cold, and blunt. There’s no signs of the girl I used to be. You won’t get sappy or sweet from me, that leads to friendships and shit. That can’t happen, any relationship, outside of acquaintances, is a weakness I can’t afford.

  There’s a wall around me I erected the moment I was torn from Dec to keep people away. A wall of sarcasm, anger, and resting bitch face that no one d
ares to pass. There’s a lot of things people come to me for, like kicking someone’s ass or a bitchin’ cocktail recipe, but friendship isn’t one of them. Sugarcoating is not in my vocabulary. I’m not the person you go to for a cry or a heart to heart. I can’t risk being seen as weak in anyone’s eyes.

  Testing the water to make sure it’s the right temperature, I sigh when the hot water caresses my hand. Without another thought, I jump right into the shower, washing away all remnants of last night. Both the fight and the memories it awakened, swirl away in the water with my lavender body wash, draining until there’s nothing but the future left in my head.

  Today I make the drive to see Declan. My nerves and excitement are causing my adrenaline to spike, but this time in a good way. I've held off on this moment for so long, not yet ready to face him until I wasn't as much of a burden anymore. I have no social media, no online presence aside from an anonymous Reddit account that I never post on. My life has been hidden from those who would hurt me and I purposely kept it hidden from those I could possibly hurt, like Declan.

  My mind races and I can’t help but wonder how he’s changed. Things like if he still likes to wear his hair longer, if he got any taller than his 6’ frame from before. Does he still live for music? Did he stop playing music or does he still do it for fun? I have so many questions running through my mind about what may have changed with him and what might be the same.

  I’ve purposely stayed away from all talk of upcoming artists and the indie scene, just in case his name came up. If I knew where he was from the get go, I never would have been able to hold myself back from running to him. That wouldn’t have been good for either of us. My skin had to thicken and I had to learn how to be my own person before we came together. I won’t fall back into old habits, always leaning on him and never being strong enough to return the favour. When we come together today, it’ll be on even ground or me being the one to offer a shoulder to lean on.

  The shower rejuvenates me just like I hoped it would. Wiping the condensation from the mirror, I take in my wide, hopeful grey eyes and allow a smile to pull up the corners of my mouth. It looks odd, something I’m not used to doing without at least some sass to it. This is what Declan will see though, the joy and happiness that flood me every time I remember my broken knight in shining armour. I take time with my appearance, making sure my hair looks shiny and my makeup is enough, but not too much. I’m going to be a mess by the time I get there but at least I know I put the effort in. It’s going to be eight hours in a car so comfortable clothes are still a must.

  Moving to my closet, I glance around before rummaging through what clothes I have. Almost everything is black because I don’t like the attention other colours bring me. Settling on a pair of comfortable black jeggings and the one white shirt that I own, I dub it good enough. It’s a halter top that shows a little too much cleavage, but I don’t want to show up looking like I’m going to a funeral or some shit. It won’t do me any good showing up and having him associate me with death or anything negative. I want to look like a fucking angel straight from heaven, even if deep inside I’m more fallen than I care to admit.

  It’s finally time to head out, I can’t put off the inevitable anymore. With a final glance in the mirror, I pat down my long black hair and head out. I look as good as it’s going to get, in fact it’s all going to go down hill as I sit in my car for the next little while. That’s the joy of long drives, you look like you were just on a road trip no matter how much you try not to.

  My mind wanders over everything I could be forgetting, I have an awful memory sometimes, especially when I’m stressed like I am today. Breakfast is the only thing that comes to mind and I’ll get some food on the road. I need to let my stomach wake up a bit before I try putting food in it. Stopping to throw it all back up would delay the trip too much.

  I hop right in the car, haphazardly tossing my bag in the backseat and starting it up. It’s time to get this show on the road. It’s been a fucking decade since I’ve seen Declan and I’m anxious to finally reunite. The private investigator that I hired said that Declan lives with three other guys in a house just two towns over from where we shared the foster family from hell. As long as I skirt that town I’ll be okay.

  It’s a little surprising that Declan lives so close to that place, but maybe he found something in the town he’s in that kept him there. I hope it’s not a girlfriend or a child. The PI didn’t say anything about those things so I assumed he didn’t have them but then again I didn’t specifically ask. Fuck, he’s totally got a family or a long term girlfriend and he isn’t going to want me!

  Shut the fuck up Alayna! You aren’t this sniveling idiot. This trip isn’t to necessarily get my first love back but to see how he’s doing and help me put my past behind me. It’s to heal both of us like I promised younger me I would do. If he sees me and falls madly in love again like I know I will with him then great, but it’s not the point of the trip.

  Turning up the volume, my rock music blasts as I pull onto the highway. I’m determined to just think about the trip and not what waits for me at the end. Now is the time to keep my wits about me on this journey, I can’t break down halfway there from the fear of the unknown. This is too important to let my anxiety get the best of me. I will kick this trip's ass and get my happy ending.

  The music will help the time fly, so I’m rocking out to Drowning Pool and tearing down the highway. Everything is going to work out for the best. See Dr. Ferris! I can think positively sometimes. I’m not always so negative about everything. Sure I started out thinking some negative thoughts, but I can fucking rock the positive thoughts too.

  The drive only takes seven and a half hours as I blow over the speed limits a few times. I stop at a motel quickly first to freshen up before I head to Declan’s house. I hope he gives me an all consuming hug like he used to when he sees me. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he answers the door. I wonder if I look different or if he’ll still see the seventeen year old that I was. He’s forever frozen at that age in my head.

  Without delaying too long I hop back in the car, driving to the address the private investigator gave me. This is it. This is the moment I have been waiting for for 10 years. Looking up at the simple grey brick house, I gather my strength to walk up and knock. It’s time to stop hiding away from my past. It’s time to finally get my man and my happily ever after. Let’s fucking do this.

  Chapter Three

  Alayna

  My hand darts out quickly, knocking on the door before I lose my nerve. Stepping off to the side a bit, I wait for him to come to the door. I hope it’s Declan that answers because I’m not sure I want to meet his roommates before I get to see him. This reunion has been planned in my head for years and having someone yell that I’m here does not play into it. What if they don’t know who I am? Or even worse, what if they do? What if his roommates know every horror of our time together and won’t let me in so I can’t damage Declan anymore than he’s already been damaged.

  My thoughts are interrupted when the door opens. My heart leaps into my throat before dropping into the pit of my stomach when I see that it’s not him. The guy in the doorway is probably one of the biggest guys I’ve ever seen. He gives Josh a run for his money. Let’s hope he’s as much of a teddy bear as Josh is. I put on my best smile and try not to look too nervous.

  “Can I help you?” Big Guy rumbles out. Damn his voice is deep as fuck. I get stuck on that fact, my mind a jumbled mess because of the nerves. “Look little girl, I don’t have time for you to piss your pants with fear over my size. Tell me what the fuck you want.”

  His sneer of little girl pulls my bitchy side out. “I’m looking for Declan Hallows,” I snap, my patience completely used up in this short bullshit conversation. “My name is-”

  “What?” Big Guy cuts me off, his voice turning icy and monotone. “Is this a fucking joke?”

  I grind my teeth at his attitude, becoming increasingly agitated. “Wh
y the fuck would I joke about that? Can you get him for me or not? Tell him it’s-”

  “Are you stupid or are you one of those sick fucks who get off on disturbing shit? Either way, get the hell off of our property!” He yells at me. I have absolutely no idea what this guy is on about, but I’m at the end of my patience. He tries to close the door on me so I strike my hand out, stopping it before I use my other hand to punch him in the gut. This brings him closer to my level and easier for me to grab his shirt to bring him eye level so he can see every ounce of fury radiating in my gaze.

  “Listen here, fuckface. I have no idea what the fuck I did to you or why you think I’m into some sick, disturbing shit, but I’m just here to find my childhood friend. If you would stop cutting me off I was going to tell you my name. It’s Alayna Morgan and Declan would want to see me,” I state confidently, looking directly in his eyes to show him I mean fucking business. I watch his face fall as I say my name.

  My hand drops, letting him go as I take in his change in attitude, not sure why he looks so defeated all of a sudden. A sick feeling starts in my stomach as he drops his head and straightens before opening the door to let me in. He doesn’t say anything as I walk past him into the foyer. He leads me to the living room and yells into the house for an Adam and a Rhys. He motions me to have a seat on the couch as he pours himself a glass of whiskey. Two more jacked up, asshole looking guys walk into the living room.

  “What the hell is going on? I need to finish getting ready. Who is she?” The tattooed asshole motions at me.

  “Her name is Alayna Morgan,” Big Guy says before downing his entire glass in one go.

  “Shit,” the long haired asshole mutters. He turns to me. “You’re really Alayna?”

  “That’s my name. Is someone going to get Declan?” I ask as I stand back up, not liking all of these large men standing over me.